Way back in the olden thymes when everyone thought buffalo was food, not a crappy sports town, men hunted the mammoth and said horrible things to one another on dial-up bulletin boards. This was not only before the iPhone (Gasp!), but before Windows, when computing required more than a third grade education. In those days, arguments were settled by using outlandish insults.

I wish I had a nickel for every time I told some douche-bag to chug down a frothy glass of Drano. The acronym DIAF was created because it was so commonly used. If someone really pissed you off, you would tell them to go home, shoot their family and then shoot themselves, in order to clean up the gene pool. Now, you can go to jail in New Zealand for that sort of thing.

Internet trolls face up to two years’ jail in New Zealand under a controversial new law which bans “harmful digital communications”.

And under a parallel amendment to New Zealand’s Crimes Act, a person who tells another to kill themselves faces up to three years in prison.

The law will help mitigate the harm caused by cyber-bulling and give victims a quick and effective means of redress, supporters said.

But critics said the law harms free speech and its fine print could threaten public interest journalism in the country.

Under the Harmful Digital Communications Act in effect from this week, anyone convicted of “causing harm by posting digital communication” faces two years in prison and a $50,000 (NZ) (£6,500) fine, while businesses face fines of up to $200,000 (NZ).

Harmful communications can include truthful as well as false information, and “intimate visual recordings” such as nude or seminude pictures or video shared without permission.

One of the consequences of being ruled by stupid people is they get pretty much everything wrong. The term “troll” does not mean a supernatural beings that dwell in isolated rocks, mountains and caves. It means people who posted things to get attention, as in “trolling for attention.”

Putting that aside, this is insane and the people who came up with it should die in a fire. Imagine the court hearing for some one accused of being a troll. It’s the sort of thing you would expect to see in the day room of the asylum. You get sent to prison and instantly become the baddest guy on the yard because you told some douche to drink poison.

We’re so doomed.